Posts tagged comedy

Prior to Joan Rivers, the idea that a female comedian would actually be allowed to say anything capable of offending someone was unheard of. This was a performer who talked about abortion before you could say the word “abortion” in polite society. As Eliana Dockterman at TIME put it, “Rivers withstood a lot of criticism throughout her career. In doing so, she demonstrated that women don’t always have to be appealing and likeable.”
Sammy and Blackbeard
by E.A. Weiss



Blackbeard: Where am I? What’s going on?

Sammy: I brought you back from the dead to do a report on you.

Blackbeard: How?! What?! I don’t—

Sammy: We have to compare ourselves to someone we’re like in history.

Blackbeard: What do you mean—

Sammy: Hold on let me start recording. (click) This is Sammy Goldberg’s interview for Mrs. Henry’s 6th grade history class.

Blackbeard: What is that contraption?

Sammy: Mr. Blackbeard, I personally know how hard pirating can be; what kept you happy when you were alive?

Blackbeard: You’re a pirate?

Sammy: I pirate all the time.

Blackbeard: What do you pillage? What do you plunder?

Sammy: All types of music.

Blackbeard: What—

Sammy: And sometimes TV shows, but don’t tell my dad because he already thinks I take up too much bandwidth.

Blackbeard: I’m afraid I don’t—

Sammy: Anyway, what would you do in your free time?

Blackbeard: I’d count gold, cook meals, drink rum, and play games with the crew—

Sammy: Me too! Jeez, we’re so alike. Do you like Call of Duty?

Blackbeard: What is that?

Sammy: Very funny, Mr. Blackbeard. Okay, next question: How do you get a pretty girl to like you and do you think it’s a good sign if you get invited to her Bat Mitzvah?

Blackbeard: A woman’s heart is the one thing I was never able to steal.

Sammy: Oh, I’m sorry, that was insensitive. How did you get boys to like you?

Blackbeard: You have to be hard on a crew of rowdy pirates, but not too hard because those seamen need to last a long time.

Sammy: Let’s keep it PG-13, Mr. Blackbeard, I’m only in 6th grade! (laughs) So you died in the U.S., but were actually from England. What was that like?

Blackbeard: Um, not great.

Sammy: Was it similar to the feeling you get when a pretty girl, let’s say her name is Sarah, turns you down for a dance in front of everyone?

Blackbeard: I don’t think you under—

Sammy: Or, did it feel like you ate too many nachos at your mom’s boyfriend’s Super Bowl party and threw up all over his new leather couch?

Blackbeard: I’m confus—

Sammy: Maybe it felt like the time you fell in the mud at lunch, but Aaron Johnson decided to tell the whole class that you had a “bathroom accident” and now everyone calls you Brownbutt. Did it feel like that?

Blackbeard: Is that why I’m here?

Sammy: What? No. What do you mean?

Blackbeard: Because of our nicknames? Brownbutt’s not so bad. I had a man on board who was so ugly and bumpy that everyone called him Goiter.

Sammy: That’s awf—

Blackbeard: But that just meant our enemies underestimated him. He killed hundreds of adversaries because no one thought the boily incest puddle of a man would be able to fight.

Sammy: He killed—

Blackbeard: So, my advice would be to murder hundreds of men. That’s how you’ll get Aaron’s respect.

Sammy: Um…

Blackbeard: What?

Sammy: Nothing, nothing. I’ll just say you told me, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

Blackbeard: Words? Of course Words can hurt you! He also killed hundreds of men. Even children! You’re talking about the mute pirate we had on board, right? Yeah, he’d definitely hurt you.

Sammy: This seems like a good time to end the interview.
Follow E.A. Weiss on Twitter. Illustration by Jason Reed.

Sammy and Blackbeard

by E.A. Weiss



Blackbeard: Where am I? What’s going on?

Sammy: I brought you back from the dead to do a report on you.

Blackbeard: How?! What?! I don’t—

Sammy: We have to compare ourselves to someone we’re like in history.

Blackbeard: What do you mean—

Sammy: Hold on let me start recording. (click) This is Sammy Goldberg’s interview for Mrs. Henry’s 6th grade history class.

Blackbeard: What is that contraption?

Sammy: Mr. Blackbeard, I personally know how hard pirating can be; what kept you happy when you were alive?

Blackbeard: You’re a pirate?

Sammy: I pirate all the time.

Blackbeard: What do you pillage? What do you plunder?

Sammy: All types of music.

Blackbeard: What—

Sammy: And sometimes TV shows, but don’t tell my dad because he already thinks I take up too much bandwidth.

Blackbeard: I’m afraid I don’t—

Sammy: Anyway, what would you do in your free time?

Blackbeard: I’d count gold, cook meals, drink rum, and play games with the crew—

Sammy: Me too! Jeez, we’re so alike. Do you like Call of Duty?

Blackbeard: What is that?

Sammy: Very funny, Mr. Blackbeard. Okay, next question: How do you get a pretty girl to like you and do you think it’s a good sign if you get invited to her Bat Mitzvah?

Blackbeard: A woman’s heart is the one thing I was never able to steal.

Sammy: Oh, I’m sorry, that was insensitive. How did you get boys to like you?

Blackbeard: You have to be hard on a crew of rowdy pirates, but not too hard because those seamen need to last a long time.

Sammy: Let’s keep it PG-13, Mr. Blackbeard, I’m only in 6th grade! (laughs) So you died in the U.S., but were actually from England. What was that like?

Blackbeard: Um, not great.

Sammy: Was it similar to the feeling you get when a pretty girl, let’s say her name is Sarah, turns you down for a dance in front of everyone?

Blackbeard: I don’t think you under—

Sammy: Or, did it feel like you ate too many nachos at your mom’s boyfriend’s Super Bowl party and threw up all over his new leather couch?

Blackbeard: I’m confus—

Sammy: Maybe it felt like the time you fell in the mud at lunch, but Aaron Johnson decided to tell the whole class that you had a “bathroom accident” and now everyone calls you Brownbutt. Did it feel like that?

Blackbeard: Is that why I’m here?

Sammy: What? No. What do you mean?

Blackbeard: Because of our nicknames? Brownbutt’s not so bad. I had a man on board who was so ugly and bumpy that everyone called him Goiter.

Sammy: That’s awf—

Blackbeard: But that just meant our enemies underestimated him. He killed hundreds of adversaries because no one thought the boily incest puddle of a man would be able to fight.

Sammy: He killed—

Blackbeard: So, my advice would be to murder hundreds of men. That’s how you’ll get Aaron’s respect.

Sammy: Um…

Blackbeard: What?

Sammy: Nothing, nothing. I’ll just say you told me, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

Blackbeard: Words? Of course Words can hurt you! He also killed hundreds of men. Even children! You’re talking about the mute pirate we had on board, right? Yeah, he’d definitely hurt you.

Sammy: This seems like a good time to end the interview.


Follow E.A. Weiss on Twitter. Illustration by Jason Reed.

Joel McHale crossed every line at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Nominally intended as an opportunity to cut through the double talk and false equivalency that characterize Washington and the toothless media that covers it, the Correspondents’ Dinner more often reinforces the idea that politicians, journalists, and entertainers form an unholy axis of self-serving, self-perpetuated narcissism and complacency.

Granted, it’s tough to take something seriously when a guy who looks as silly as Jeff Daniels is wheeling a shaggin’ wagon around the county with a guy who just fell out of a jetway—again—but…

This recut will completely change how you look at ‘Dumb and Dumber’

Conan has discovered bronies, and they’re going to wish he hadn’t

On Conan’s YouTube channel, the commenters are mostly bronies arguing about the comedian making fun of them. 

[read more]

Today we’re highlighting the huge Facebook page The secret to humor is surprise.

Dave Chappelle Is Going On A Nationwide Stand-Up Comedy Tour